Spark of Hope: A Love/Hate Review of the Transformers Saga

Here's the thing about Michael Bay's "Transformers" films. From a pure film-making standpoint, they're terrible. Absolutely terrible. I have no allusions of these films being anything else. They are, after all, based on a line of toys, and thus exist only as marketing tools. And they're very, very good at that. So good, in fact, that when I first saw these films, I too bought into the hype. I was too old to rush out and buy the toys, yes, but I felt like a kid in spirit when I watched them.

So reviewing these films, especially the latest, "Age of Extinction", is actually harder than it might seem. Not too hard, mind you. Like I said, I can easily pick apart any of these films based on narrative, character development, etc. etc. But there's something about seeing giant robots beat the living piss out of each other that's just fun to watch. Regardless of the paper thin characters, heavy handed racism, and not-even-trying-to-be-subtle product placement. In a way, these films are like cinematic junk food: they satisfy a basic instinct, but in the long run don't offer any sustenance.

I wanted to get this out of the way because it's only by going in knowing this can one actually analyze these films. On a base level, each of these films, (yes, even "Fallen") satisfy a basic urge. The urge for sex, violence, and wanton destruction. We all have this urge, don't deny it. And despite what we say, we love seeing it onscreen. But there's a difference between indulging this urge for a little while and feeding it to the point where it's just too much. Ultimately, that's what these films do. They satisfy this urge well, but perhaps TOO well. There was a time when my adolescent brain didn't realize "enough was enough" regarding these films. I've come to a realization after seeing "Extinction", but for that to have any weight, my thoughts on the other films must be expressed.

Let's start at the beginning. As a '90s kid, my first exposure to the Transformers franchise was the CGI "Beast Wars" cartoon. Nostalgic, to be sure, but it never really hooked me personally. I had a few Transformers lying around the house in my youth, but never much took to the concept. I just didn't see how alien robots turning into cars was all that believable, or even that appealing. When the first film was announced, I waited until it hit DVD to check it out.

My initial reaction? Why the hell didn't I see this in theaters. The first "Transformers" film floored me. I already knew who Optimus and Megatron were, and the basic Autobot/Decepticon war, but what the film did so well for me was make it actually seem plausible. The All-Spark explained the "transforming alien robot" thing really well. The robots were imposing and looked unbelievably cool. The transformations were the best part, and simply a marvel of special effects.

My all time favorite moment, however, had to be the arrival of the Autobots. The effects, the score, the build-up, everything was just so cinematic I couldn't help but get caught up in it. And despite me not originally favoring the franchise, I'd be hard pressed to say I didn't geek out after seeing a living '80s pop culture icon like Optimus Prime come to life on the big screen.

The point of all this is, there was a magic to the first film. While directed by Michael Bay, the true driving force behind the original was Steven Spielberg, and it shows here. The whole "boy and his car" plot that ties the film together has a very Spielbergian element to it, specifically the silent bond between Sam and Bumblebee. While most G1 fans hated how the robots seemed like extras in their own movie, I actually think the humans justified their existence here by grounding the plot. The film was more about the humans discovering the Transformers and reacting accordingly, instead of the bots themselves.

But, enough of my gushing. These were my thoughts upon seeing the film for the first time. Repeat viewings made me see the flaws, which are really just par for the course for Mr. Bay. But while his "Bayisms" as I like to call them (jingoistic patriotism, discriminatory shots of women, underdeveloped characters, glaring plot holes, racist stereotypes, vulgar humor) are all present, the touch of Spielberg makes everything seem more down-to-earth. It has excess, to be sure, but just the right amount.

To this day I feel like the film is a perfect fusion of Bay and Spielberg's styles. It was needed, frankly, to sell such an inherently stupid concept to non-fans like me. And I'm not gonna lie, it worked. That sense of awe at seeing these giant robots for the first time outweighs any flaws this film has to me. It's not perfect, not by a long shot. But as far as solid popcorn entertainment goes, the first "Transformers" had it all.

So after witnessing magic in that first "Transformers" picture, I did what I do with every fandom I'm introduced to through a film version. That being research it heavily. A few wiki searches later, and the terms "G1", "Unicron", "Vector Sigma", "Soundwave", "The Matrix of Leadership", and "Dinobots" became all too familiar to me. I knew the sequel was coming soon, and I wanted to be ready. Hype went through the roof, and by the time "Revenge of the Fallen" was released, I couldn't contain my excitement.

Two and a half hours later, and I came out pretty satisfied at seeing Optimus fusing with a jetpack to take out a millennium year old Transformer. Except there was something off about this new film. Maybe it was how quickly Optimus defeated the Fallen. Or the lack of common sense in the plot. Or the pair of racist twin Autobots. Or the wrecking ball testicles they put on Devastator, one of the greatest Decepticons of the G1 fandom. Or, you know, basically everything about the film. It dawned on me pretty quickly that despite a few decent action scenes (Prime vs. three 'Cons in the forest, anyone?) the film was a colossal dud.

I realized it back then and I know it still today: "Revenge of the Fallen" is not only the worst "Transformers" film, but one of the worst blockbuster films of all time. I do not say this lightly. All of the Bayisms in the first film were multiplied exponentially here, with more vulgar humor, more racism, more Megan Fox oogling, more coming-of-age stereotypes passing off as character growth. The film was just WAY too excessive. I could overlook the flaws in the first film because I was generally wowed by the sight of giant robots. But now that the novelty's worn off, the Bayisms are really apparent here. Bay's influence definitely overtook Spielberg's here, and it shows. The movie speaks for itself. There's nothing else I can say that a million fans haven't already said. It's just a terrible movie.

Such a let down made me pretty cynical by the time the third film was announced. Like most people, I thought the series had peaked with the original, and now that we're all used to seeing giant robots, there's nowhere left for the franchise to go. But as I said before, these films satisfied a basic urge that was hard to find anywhere else. Like an addict, I went crawling back. Part of it was thinking it would end the series, for better or worse. Another part was half-hoping they'd actually improve on "Fallen" and restore the series' integrity. I was right on both accounts. Or at least half-right.

The third film was a huge improvement on "Fallen", but that's really not saying much. The vulgar humor didn't vanish, it just took place entirely in the first half, while the second half was a gritty, no holds barred action sequence that leveled Chicago. I actually got to visit the Chicago shooting, and it was just as chaotic as you might expect. If nothing else, there was a sense of satisfaction at seeing the film and knowing I was that close to everything. It did help, though, that the second half made up for all the Bayisms in the first half, delivering a widely entertaining action flick that also served as a decent series finale.

In many ways, the movie's still a piss poor example of proper narrative film-making. It was the first of the three films where I was actively analyzing it while watching, mostly due to my left over cynicism from the second film. But the final hour of action was so intense, I couldn't help but be won over by it. I guess I just wanted to feel the magic of the original film again, that I let myself be immersed in the sheer chaos of it all. The story really didn't improve, and Shia Labeouf went from likable to somewhat irritating to straight up annoying. But Megan Fox's replacement was a small improvement, as was Leonard Nimoy as the surprise villain. Ultimately, "Dark of the Moon" is a mixed bag of a film, equally horrendous and entertaining. But despite one hell of a finale that seemed to close everything off, it still can't beat the simple joy of the original.

And now, at last, we arrive at "Age of Extinction". A film I thought shouldn't exist when announced, but tempted me with its Mark Walberg and its Dinobots. Tiny elements to be sure, but enough to goad me back into theaters, hoping to see something that'd truly wow me four movies in. After "Dark of the Moon" killed off every major Decepticon, I figured there was nowhere left to go. I went to see this film out of curiosity. Exactly where do you go from here? But unlike, say, "How to Train Your Dragon 2" or "22 Jump Street", this film doesn't care for organically following its predecessors. Oh yes, it references the Chicago battle, and all the events come out of that, but it expects us to buy the government hunting Autobots after allying with them for three movies.

The new human cast does fine, especially the government baddies themselves. Walberg is definitely an improvement over Labeouf in terms of acting. But his arc with daughter Tessa and her race car driver boyfriend Shane just don't connect, no matter how hard Bay tries to make us think otherwise. It's somewhat made up for with more focus on the 'Bots themselves, especially Optimus's new found cynicism of humanity. It's funny, since that cynicism's exactly how I feel about this franchise now.

There's actually a meta-subtext running through the film about the necessity of the Transformers on Earth, and Optimus deciding whether to continue the good fight. That could have made for a riveting film, if Bay had actually followed through on such themes. New developments like alien bounty hunter Lockdown and talk of a "Creator" race are swept aside for another "Decepticons want ancient device to destroy humanity" plot. What's the point of setting up a new premise in the first half if you're just going to revert to formula in the second?

By then, the plot moves to Hong Kong for an action scene that's way too long, adding an extra 45 minutes to the run time when it clearly wasn't needed. The promise of Dinobots kept me going, but by the time they do show up, they only clutter an already busy finale, and ultimately contribute nothing to the climax. Instead, they only serve as a reminder of how Bay loves to indulge himself. Each "Transformers" film outdoes the last, and that continues here. Some of his signature Bayisms were toned down (there's less vulgar humor, for one) but his penchant for good 'splosions has only intensified. The film is not insulting like "Fallen", but the action isn't as impressive as "Moon", nor as awe-inspiring as the original.

It's not that the action in itself is bad, it's just that there's way too much of it. As I've said before, there's a difference between satisfying a basic urge and over-indulging in it. More than any other "Transformers" film, "Extinction" revels in that excess. I was getting sick of the action half-way through, and came out at the end feeling it was way too much. If these films are indeed like cinematic junk food, then this one leaves you overstuffed. It's gotten to the point where I'm not even sure Bay can top this. And if he can, I'm not sure I want to see it, given how much he's topped himself here. I'm too desensitized to these giant robots that I was once in awe of. The films have gotten too formulaic, too big, and too busy to function as pure popcorn flicks anymore. I wanted to hope for the magic to return. But this film made me see there's nothing more here than a giant toy commercial. It's well made in that light, but a commercial it remains. The toys have to be put away at some point.